Tribute to My Uncle Jay

In the mass-confusion that is my life, trying to keep up with yesterday (again, that is where you are...because I am a day ahead) I found out that my Uncle Jay had died. He had lived a fairly long life considering his condition and the care that he took of himself and of course his timing was impeccable because only a few short hours before I found out that he had died, I was writing a blog about trying to be a "glass is half-full" kind of guy. So, I have never seen such a designed test from God as this for me, but I figured that I can find the good in it all even though it was more difficult than I thought it would be.

You see, because of my uncle's condition, which I'm choosing to leave out, I had prepared for his death long ago or at least I thought I did, but anyone who has ever experienced a death of someone close knows that you are never prepared for what is coming. My uncle has spent almost the last year in Mexico and had kept telling us that he would visit. Turns out that he was progressively getting worse and finally gave up but didn't want us to worry so he kept telling us it was alright.

When I talked to my mom on the phone, I thought that I was alright because my uncle and I weren't really that close. We did not agree on really anything except for history but that is a different story all together. I really thought I was alright, but when the phone conversation was over and the phone dropped to the floor, I was swimming in tears and couldn't understand why. You see, I don't cry or at least haven't in a long time because I have trained myself to forget about anything that would make me sad. That is why the day before when I was in a bad mood and got over it. I thought I was ok but I was really bottling up everything inside until one event happened that I just couldn't hold everything in anymore and I cried, a lot. I'm not ashamed to say it either. I really will miss him though

My uncle was a lot of things to a lot of people. You may have known him as my crazy uncle who drank a lot and told good stories or that crazy guy who started talking french to you even though you never said you spoke it or that guy who was sitting at the kitchen counter on his computer during the holidays....well to me he was all of that and more. He was my weird uncle who didn't ever really care what anyone thought and put so much effort into everything that he did for us that it really made you smile. He was that uncle that helped you put together your new G.I. Joe headquarters that you just got for Christmas that you were too young to put together yourself. He was that uncle who thought he was so cool that he told you to call him "unk" because he thought you would think it was cooler. He was that crazy uncle that no matter where he was, he was never to far away to give you some sort of advice or throw in his two cents because, for all its worth, (and he is probably laughing in delight as I admit this) he was a very intelligent guy who had seen a lot of things.

Yes, he was Weird Uncle Jay, but he was my Weird Uncle Jay and I wouldn't have changed him for the world. He made my family normal (and by normal, I mean absolutely crazy because what is a family without its craziness).

It is just hard being over here in Australia when most of my family is together right now and they are trying to figure everything out because I have always felt like the glue that has held the family together. I get along with everyone and seem to be the mediator in every situation. Glue needs to be strong if it is going to hold and I felt like by crying, I was not being that strong glue...Stephen, not James Taylor put it in perspective for me by saying "dude, sometimes you gotta let it out...its ok". Luckily we were the only two on the property for most of the day.

Today was the first day that I missed home. Not really for any selfish reason, I just wished that I was there for my family to console them and help them figure out anyting and everything to do. I think the hardest part about this is feeling so useless on literally the other side of the world.

He will definately be missed and I love him to death. This blog wasn't for any informative purposes or to help any of my family through this difficult time. It was merely for me to vent and let out everything that I was feeling because as I had said before, this is a release for me and it makes me feel better. Even though I say it's for no one but me I know that when my mom reads this she will cry in a totally Emo- Em fashion.

I love you family and friends and I hope that this gets figured out with relative ease. We are off to Sydney early tomorrow for hopefully a fun weekend for a few girls birthdays...I can't wait!

We had dinner tonight with a few couples, one who doesn't live to far away and it was wonderful. They were so nice and we just had the best time. Some human interaction was just what the doctor had ordered. One of the wives was originally from Ireland and I thought about my mom's horrible irish accent and laughed...Mom, I thought you would enjoy it. Plus, I heard "ain't no mountain high enough" on the radio the other day and couldn't help but think of you.

Remember everyone, the glass is half-full no matter what....

talk to you in a few days